1. |
The Chase
01:25
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I have loved each and every one of the lost boys.
For days, full of play and pleasure, we would tumble around the nursery,
scraping our knees.
But one by one they abandoned me
marched off to inherit the Real World,
clutching cardboard swords.
Fed up with mourning, I took chase,
Pursued them for a decade,
And found them at last,
Gathered together
On the other side
of a great divide.
I ripped off my nightgown in a bid for their attention
And searched their eyes for a spark of recognition.
But they regarded me
suspiciously: A brazen witch? A shameless bitch?
I appealed to them: Darlings, it’s me!
Their silence was heavy.
So I started to scream.
LET ME CUM TOO!
LET ME CUM TOO!
It was history that answered me,
Made the suggestion,
Calm down, there's no need to make a scene.
There is a way that they'll let you in:
They are going to need mothering.
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2. |
Never Land
03:59
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When was it that you became a ghost?
I’m still looking for you everywhere I go.
Like a skeleton pursuing lost entrails
I trail: I search and reach
then when I can’t stand myself
you return to me
and I feel kind of dead –
kind of dead.
kind of suspended…
Hey! Hey! Hey, come back here.
Hey! Hey – I’m not done!
Hey, hey! Hey, come back here
Haunted by my living blood.
No! Why?
Out of the corner of my eye,
I thought I saw a ghost child.
Oh, I’m a knockout –
won’t somebody hit me?
Quench my dry, dry drowned girl.
Oh, when was it Little Death?
I feel buried alive.
Hello? Let’s fly…
Hey! Hey! Hey, come back here.
Hey! Hey – I’m not done!
Hey, hey! Hey, come back here
Haunted by my living blood.
No! Why?
Out of the corner of my eye,
I thought I saw a ghost child.
She wants dangle
like a fish on a line,
beaten and battered
and knocked on the head.
Oh, she’d like to be consumed.
With her keen peripheral vision she…
she
she…
I…I
thought I saw a ghost child.
Oh you were never so young, shadow boy.
I didn’t stand a chance.
Let it go.
Just let go.
Hello?
I’d like to be disarmed please.
MOVE ME!
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3. |
Running on Glass
04:05
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We could rip apart the world
I’ve never had a doubt –
but should we scrape and bend and splinter
this smooth, lovely surface?
It screeches and groans: we’re standing too close.
You body is made of sound and movement,
mine is made to run.
I was running on glass for days
trying to justify that dawn:
we are firing blanks, eyes closed
and I am ringing
dissonance without resolve.
Once a year you cast your shadow
and I ache all over again
On pause, off course.
I’ve been running on glass for years
trying to justify my indifference
sustained by seconds and funeral fuel,
masterplots and misremembered moments.
Once a year you cast your shadow
and I rip at my skin.
You’re a stain – you blot me out,
and I need you to say something now.
Yeah, I love screaming in the dark
waiting for answers to questions I never asked
But before we open up the earth
shouldn’t we try and stand on it first?
I was ashamed, I peeled off my face,
waiting for you to move the ground
or say something I didn’t put in your mouth.
I’ve been running on glass for years
trying to justify your indifference;
filling in the blanks
in the spaces where my voice bounces back.
Once a year you cast your shadow
and I let it back in – I’m a desperate little afterthought
but maybe now I just want to win.
I finally stop still: I’m listening.
Say something!
I finally stop still, I’m listening:
footfalls in my veins.
I finally stop still –
say something, say something!
Listening…
(turn and face it)
Listening…
(the looking glass)
I hear:
Thirteen years of glass
shattering.
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4. |
Sorry
03:17
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I feel myself resign
patterns on the roof.
Amorous dead eyes
patterns on the roof.
I am a vessel:
placating, facilitating
the loving wife’s
leaving herself dry
Oh I know better, nailed the principle of the thing,
but I still don't know how to stop apologising.
I feel myself shy
patterns on the roof
But I don’t decline
patterns on the roof
I hear myself say “go for it, if you want to,”
as if he’s that simple
preset, objection-less.
I hear myself say “go for it, if you want to,”
as if he’s that fragile, at the mercy of it.
I suspect his concern is a pretext
Harboured hopes, heightened awareness.
Oh it’s my pleasure…
PSYCHE!
Oh I know better, nailed the principle of the thing,
but I still don't know how to stop apologising.
Take a look at yourself girl,
you dancing gift horse,
don't let him look you in the mouth.
Take a look at yourself girl,
you dancing gift horse,
afraid he'll look you in the mouth?
Take a look at yourself girl,
you dancing gift horse,
don’t let him look you in the mouth.
HEY!
To each corner he drags me, as I fail to exercise my “liberty.”
Well I'm already faking it – I'm out of rope
Tell me what to do with that if you're so well hung.
And I hear a thousand teens
screaming:
Validate me! Validate me!
Hold him down with your complicity
And once you make the call you ought to take it,
he’s not shameless, don’t make him feel like a rapist.
Say my name, say my name, say my name.
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5. |
Star in a Box
01:24
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She is blinding
A flood light girl
Used to smile so easily
Dancing on the table
Oh, you tear her down
“tear away hungry eyes”
’Cause if you can’t have her, no one can,
right?
If you can't have her, no one can,
RIGHT?
Oh, you tear her down
Tear her ’til she’s skin and bone
She was my first love and she is part of me
You should have left her alone
But if you can’t have her, no one can, right?
And you will have her, have her again,
RIGHT?
Tell me again
But if you can’t have her, no one can, right?
And you will have her, have her again,
right?
Tell me again
TELL ME AGAIN
TELL ME AGAIN
TELL ME AGAIN
TELL ME AGAIN
TELL ME AGAIN
Next time,
next time
You’d better come for me
I’m huge now Snake-y
I’ve got fucking teeth!
I dare you
Tell me again
I’ll tear you limb from limb
Right down to the bone.
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6. |
Meet Cute
03:56
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She speaks in colours, brimming
shifting and turning with the light
And I am emptied out,
betrayed by my lust.
I can feel him eyeing off my crawl space,
what a safe place to occupy.
So I guess here’s the next one,
already can’t be undone.
When a love object
objects
does she make a sound?
Keep the storm at bay,
that’s his solution.
Pushes my doubts away,
because he can see the ocean.
I remember my mind’s eye cried
“don’t throw me a wave I can’t ride,"
he put his head in the sand.
When you dig your way out,
will you recognise me?
I can’t confirm
what shape I will be
You want me like affirmation
I love you like a child
Oh yes – here’s the next one,
So glad he can’t be undone.
Keep the storm at bay,
that’s his solution
I push my doubts away
because we could be the ocean
Oh my naked, giving thing
your intensity shakes me.
I put my head in the sand.
Oh my soul’s beau
Look at me,
Promise I am not an end
and you are not a means
I thought we could both have wings.
Inamorato
Eyes so deep
promise I am not an end
and you are not a means
I thought we could both have wings.
When a love object
objects
does he make a sound?
Keep the storm at bay,
That’s the solution
I push my doubts away
because we are the ocean
But I told you I didn’t want to be
The good wife : A red light
How could you ask that of me?
I am not resolution.
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7. |
Eclipse Me
03:30
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I wanna make myself sick on you
I wanna make myself sick on you
Ah, I’m seeing you in colour and oh,
your abandon is so…
Chasing shiny things but where am I?
Chasing shiny things but where am I?
Ah, I’ve been peering through new eyes
and you
will send me blind.
I wanna make myself sick on you
I wanna make myself sick on you
Ah, I’m seeing you in colour and oh,
it makes me sick!
Chasing shiny things but where am I?
Chasing shiny things but where am I?
Ah I’ve been peering through new eyes
and you will send me blind.
I don’t wanna do this again
I wanna be bigger than that...ah,
I need a minute.
I don’t wanna do this again
Answer to someone in my head
Give me a minute!
I don’t want to do this again
Feel less than enough and
I really need a fucking minute!
Fuck
(They’re tryna eclipse me)
That expression
first impression,
as if you get a second –
endless opportunity
to re-enter a room
So I debut:
shaking, awkward, listless.
I drag in cold resentful bones and demand you to be the fucking sun,
after all you’re bright enough
NO!
I’ll go blind…
I just needed a minute.
Audio grab:
“A time is approaching when the humanity of women and girls and queer people and our allies will be understood in practice rather than acknowledged in passing. I believe that together we will find the courage to rewrite the old, tired scripts of work and power and sex and love, the old stories about what it means to be a beautiful woman, a strong man, a decent human being. I believe that the time is coming when those stories will be heard in numbers too big to silence. The great rewriting is already underway. Close your eyes. Turn the page. Begin.”
Laurie Penny, 'Unspeakable Things,' pg. 245.
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